Butterflies

This post will be really personal (as usual) and not about work. Also, I'll try to make it easy to read but I think it's best if we see this as a ball of yarn that we're unraveling together. 

COVID as a unit of time

COVID months aren't like normal months. A lot can happen in a COVID month and nothing can happen as well, making a month feel like half a year or like a week. However, my months have been blessed with a passion for the internet and what you can find in it (I've always had it but now even more so), zoom activities every day after work, YouTube videos and not having to commute to the office, which has probably allowed me to do stuff after work. 

A sensei along the way

I can't remember when I bought my iPad, it feels like forever but it must have been one or two months ago. No more than a month or two before that I created @therookiesketchnoter, my public Instagram account, which is where I post all the sketchnotes I make. The sketchnoting community is amazing and I got lots of recommendations regarding who to follow to improve this and that...which is how I came across Fran Salomon, author of "Mejor Dilo con Monos" and Dean of the prestigious University of Moníchigan. I don't know why I find her so mesmerizing... if it's her charisma and how funny she is or the fact that she is a person who has struggled and found a way to improve. She's an amazing communicator and her messages just go through me and set me in motion. I wish she could convince me to go to the gym and stop eating crap...maybe I'll ask her to motivate me to do that when I finally meet her (I'm on the waitlist for one of her courses). 

This pic is from www.canva.com

I started following her on YouTube, Instagram, etc. I started practicing every day as she suggested. I can't say I'm getting better because I honestly don't see it, but I can say people seem to be liking what I make...and this time, perhaps that's the opinion I should trust...theirs and not mine because mine is pretty mean and judgemental when it comes to my own crafts. Fran Salomon always says that "drawing is a path to personal growth". She says we have to practice every day and enjoy the ride, since it's not the final destination that matters, it's the journey. 

Invisible competitions

All these months have been a different kind of journey for me because for once, I stopped competing with others. You know when you're in a competition to see who achieves more things but the other person doesn't know you're competing with them? Yeah, just like that. Shame on me.

I had been so focused on doing what everyone else is doing (thinking that I was going to become successful that way) that I was completely neglecting what I really wanted to do. I've always wanted to make films (don't ask, that one is a bit on hold atm). I've always wished I could draw and paint. I've always wished I spoke at least 5 languages by the age of 30. I've always wished I could play music...but I thought that all those wishes were not my thing (except for languages, that one I actually did invest my whole life in) since I was so bad at all of them.

Practice 

Fran Salomon talks about it all the time. Vera Gehlen-Baum talked about it too in her masterclass "You have no talent (and neither do I)". There's even a super cliché quote that says "Practice makes perfect", but why have I never really paid attention to it? I've always thought that you had to have some talent prior to practicing until you reached perfection...but what if you develop your talent because you practice so much? 

Tools

This part will sound very frivolous and consumerist (and it is and it makes me feel guilty but I don't know why I'm telling you this). I bought an iPad because I was getting frustrated that real paper doesn't have an undo button and I thought that perhaps digital sketchnotes might be the way for me. I bought a camera to make stop motion films. I just bought a ukulele. 

Butterflies

Last night, my husband and I were in bed and I told him: "I can't wait for it to be tomorrow morning so I can go to the music shop to get a ukulele. I can't wait to start my lessons*. I know you might think I've lost it, with all the hobbies I've discovered since March and all...but these are things I've always wanted to do and I didn't know I deserved to give myself a chance to try. I'm so happy I have the rest of my life to learn and practice. This is crazy because I don't think I've ever felt this way, but I'm giving myself butterflies in my stomach because I'm really happy that I'm alive and finally living."

*I used Roomie Official's two-month free trial Skillshare link and it worked! I also found a discount code to enroll for the whole year with 40% discount!! Send me a message if you want it :) 

A post about feedback

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a wonderful webinar organized by IT Matters. The speaker was Crystal Mbanefo, and you can watch the webinar here. It was heartwarming, fun and I'd watch it a thousand times. 

The webinar was about receiving feedback with resilience. I let the webinar sink in my brain for a while, and I realized I need to learn to receive my own feedback as well (that can be the hardest part sometimes). 

"I accept that I did what I could, acted as I could, with what I had at the time."

I am quite harsh on myself and I rarely cut myself some slack. I'm not sure if it's the anxiety dominating the body or the judgy brain I've always had (and a vital organ whose behavior I'm trying to correct) but sometimes I find it really hard to forgive myself for not having excelled at something...and I don't excel at anything (lol), so you can imagine how tortured (by myself *cough*) I can feel sometimes. 

I find it hard to forgive myself for not being as bright as I wish I was.
I find it hard not to compare myself to others and remember that all our paths are different. But I need to remind myself that at all times... "all paths are different because we are all different". If context matters so much to me, then I need to remind myself that in this situation, context matters too.

Fortunately, this webinar is on YouTube, which means I can watch it as many times as necessary. 

I had a great conversation with an amazing friend today and among other things, she reminded me that I am me and that I shouldn't feel bad for not being productive all the time. 

I wonder what I'd think of myself if I wasn't me. Maybe I'd even think I'm the bomb.