The self-assessment time of the year

A couple of weeks ago we had to write our self-assessment reports in one of the HR platforms of the company. At first, I was very confused about it, especially because I have been working in this company for about eight months and sometimes it's hard for me to retrace things that I'd fill in in a self-assessment form. Anyway, even if I've had to assess my work every year in my previous company, each company has its own format for this type of evaluation. NOTE: If you don't care about the story behind this and just want to skip to the conclusion and tips, scroll down to the bottom. You're welcome :D

Fortunately, HR set up a training session in which they taught us how to use the platform, that we had to give examples, etc.

But what do I say? Each section of the form was mapped to our company values, and we had to provide examples of each and rate ourselves from 1-5 (each rate value has an explanation). I had lots of questions: "Have I done enough? Have I not done enough? Have I surpassed the expectations they had when they hired me? What were they expecting from me?" If I knew that, then I guess I'd know whether I've met such expectations or not. "Does my work apply to each value?" "Do I live and work and breathe the company's core values?"

It all made me think of quality since I had to assess the quality of my own work after all, and I suppose the company values and the rating 1-5 were my heuristics (or were they my oracles? I'm second-guessing myself here as usual). 

Jerry Weinberg's definition of quality says that "Quality is value to some person" and if you add Michael Bolton's and James Bach's addition to this quote "who matters", then the definition of quality is "Quality is value to some person who matters". 

Also, I remember learning that "quality is a subjective value" (I will quote the author when I remember who said it), but "how do I make it more objective so I can actually rate my work? Or should I remain subjective because this self-assessment is about me and my work?" Ugh...I know... I was getting way philosophical about it but that's how it happened.

I have impostor syndrome (maybe you have it too, dear reader) and I underestimate myself a lot, so how could I be objective about my work and not sell myself short? Or, once again, should I have remained subjective, since it was about me?

I was a bit stuck, so I googled "how to fill in a self-evaluation" and clicked on the first link I found: this link. 

I started scanning the text and this part caught my attention..."There’s no way to evaluate your performance without a clear description of your job. If you already have one, keep it handy while composing your self-evaluation."  I browsed my inbox, trying to find the job description that made me want to apply for this job and I found it. After reading it, I didn't feel that bad about myself, they were looking for someone with some experience but always willing to learn (hey! that's me!!). I was in a better place to review myself, so I sat in front of my laptop and started typing and I didn't move until I realized I was sitting in complete darkness (it's not like I typed for days though, it was probably that time of the day where it's about to be sunset but it's quite lit still). 

I read it aloud...it seemed okay and honest. I have to say that the assessment does have something I liked a lot, which is that the categories are our company values, so you provide examples of your work under each value. I detailed the things I consider an achievement, things that I've been struggling with but kind of overcame...I was ready to give myself a rating. Oh boy, here comes the overthinking part again.

"If I choose 3 for all, it'll sound like I think I do my job well, but I'm not arrogant about it. If I choose 4-5, will it look like I'm too self-confident about what I've done? What if I actually haven't done anything praise-worthy and I just have the illusion that I have?" (Dunning-Kruger effect FTW)

I thought I totally deserved a 4 in one of the values, so I gave myself only one 4, and the rest were 3s. 

Total: 3.2

"But what does it mean? Does it mean I'm OK? Do I deserve a raise or a promotion? Am I going to be the first one to get fired because I didn't get a 5 average? What does 3.2 even mean?"

I've given some feedback to HR about it already, perhaps so that people like me don't get anxious about a number whose meaning we don't even know...Also, if we knew how this will be used (maybe they did explain it but I missed it?) maybe we wouldn't be so uncomfortable with it (I know I wasn't the only one). 

Lessons learned (and tips, so if you're in this situation and don't know how to do it maybe this can help you a bit): 

1. Keep a record of your achievements and difficulties (especially if you've managed to overcome them). Not only will they come in handy for self-assessment, but also for a job interview.

2. Job description: If you're new at the job, it might help you to keep your job description near, so you can refer back to it if needed. Just remember that sometimes you might get a job because you meet the job description, but then your responsibilities can change over time.

3. Audience: Asking who will read your assessment and how it will be used will help you write it down. If you know this will be used for future promotions, maybe it'll even motivate you to come up with better examples of your achievements!

4. Ask a colleague for help: Getting a colleague (or maybe even your manager?) to proofread it or help out if you're stuck can be really helpful. Sometimes we don't see things others see, so I don't think this can hurt.

Why are we doing it anyway? Perhaps once a year is not enough.